Which Men Are Killing You Exactly?

On Wednesday 24 March, 2021, a curious incident transpired at Saa Mbaya in Kahawa West, Nairobi. Kenya Police arrested a woman who had stabbed three men—apparently entangled in fisticuffs over her—with a kitchen knife, leaving in her wake one dead and the two in a critical state. Just another day in the Kenyan murder scene, then?

But then Margaret Wambui Wangare progressed to imbibe the blood oozing from her victims. It took startled witnesses, gathered to witness the squabble-turned-bizarre-spectacle and ensuing ghastly scene, to restrain the violent Margaret. “Passers-by found the suspect sucking blood from open stab wounds sustained by the three victims,” the police later summarised the macabre episode. “Officers rushed to the scene just as outraged members of the public were about to lynch the suspect.”

And then on Saturday 14 October, 2023, an Administration Police officer shot her husband dead at point-blank range in their Eldoret home following a domestic tiff, presumably using her service weapon. The couple was known to have frequent quarrels before this penultimate incident in which she dispatched him with more than 12 bullets in full view of their children.

The press is littered with such stories from around the country. Based on these isolated incidents alone, it is not enough to surmise that men are being wantonly murdered and, in particular, targeted as a gender. There are many hidden factors at play.

Fast-forward to January 2024, and #MenAreKillingUs was the hashtag trending across all social media. But which men are killing “you” exactly? Because as far as a large sample of women in this country are concerned, the men in their lives are loving, very loving actually, and very protective. And as partnerships go, many women have been “picked”, and the bolder ones have done the picking themselves. So why is a cabal of women out there catching feelings on behalf of the dead?

“Victim blaming” is the new catchphrase in town. This slogan is being bandied about in an attempt to silence those simply pointing out where the rain started beating the victims and suggesting a corrective course of introspection. No one is blaming the victims; far from it. As things stand, the best we could do for them is to put the murderer(s) behind bars, and that has already happened in at least one case (read it is hardly the pandemic of “femicide” that it is being painted out to be). All the hullabaloo and ruckus being created around this subject could be better converted into something far more useful: let us talk to our women, and let us talk to each other. Stop blaming men wholesale. What are we telling men anyway? What’s the big message? As you are reading this, chances are there’s a psycho out there putting the finishing touches to eliminating yet another victim…and this would-be murderer does not necessarily have to be a man (contrary to current impassioned opinions, murder is not the preserve of men); women too have a proclivity for and have been known to commit senseless murder. It is the human condition, not the preserve of males of the species.

So just because the media are hyping up and going to town with a handful of stories doesn’t mean that there’s a pandemic of femicide. The media is doing what they do best, creating storms in teacups. No one deserves to die, certainly not in the fashion we are witnessing lately, but if the perpetrators are in police custody, then there’s nothing more we can do for the victims besides waiting for the law to take its course and learning from their mistakes. And Kenyan law is particularly adept at dealing with murder. It is beyond doubt that could the victims themselves get a second go at things, they would advise a completely different route from the one they chose. So why are people catching feelings on their behalf? There is no harm in pointing out where they went wrong, for the benefit of posterity and lessons learnt.

#ProstitutesHaveRights was another trending hashtag. Of course, they do, as does everyone else for that matter…but only in theory. Because we know the country we inhabit. Let’s not lie to each other here; things on the ground are different when the rubber meets the road. Sorry, that’s just the reality. In this country, personal rights apply only in theory. You are going to run into certain individuals or groups and your “rights” will apply only in the Constitution, and not in real life. We have all encountered such at some point in our lives. So when you decide to join an industry, you’ll be best advised to enter in full knowledge of the risks applicable and applying.

#StopKillingWomen also went viral. But exactly what kind of women are these being killed? And by whom? Are they innocent women abducted and conducted, against their will, to clandestine locations to be slain? On the contrary, they are women caught up in their modus operandi, fully aware of the perils attached to their trade as they delve in headlong; willing conspirators in their demise. Again, let me be clear: I hope the perpetrators are caught and justice served and, most importantly, seen to be served. But let’s be honest with each other: they had it coming all along. This is a cold truth not many of us want to hear or even contend with; we would rather bury our heads in the sand and instead get upset over the upshots, but the inescapable truth is that these women put themselves in these situations. Had they been victims of kidnappings, for instance, we would be talking about something else entirely.

So, instead of #StopKillingWomen, how about we hashtag #WomenStopBeingDesperate? How about we hashtag #WomenStopBeingStupid? How about we hashtag #WomenStopBeingNaive? #WomenStopTrustingStrangers? #WomenPracticeSpatialAwareness? #WomenMoveWiser?

Why are we overlooking all the aspects of personal responsibility and safety and jumping straight to femicide, while repudiating to address the lead-up to these killings? Why are women moving with people they don’t know? People they don’t trust? People they’ve scarcely met? Just because they flashed some money in their faces? Come on, we can do better! Why are we fixated only on addressing the killings?

#RIP to all the affected, and particularly the families going through the most, but let’s stop fooling ourselves and each other once and for all. Let’s start being wiser and move wiser, and let’s start being smarter; but most importantly, let’s hashtag the root of the problem. Let’s address issues, not emotional responses. We’ll all be better for it.