#SundayRead: Ruto's Cabinet "Retirement Plan": The Comedy Kenya Didn't Need

Promises, Promises: Ruto's New Spin on Accountability

When President William Ruto stood before the Kenyan people, vowing to hold his cabinet accountable for incompetence, few believed this was the dawn of a new era. As everyone has now come to expect, William Ruto's promise was wrapped in layers of irony that even the best comedy writers couldn’t script.

The Golden Parachutes: More Like Golden Jokes

As details emerged, it became clear that "accountability" in Ruto's lexicon translates to hefty gratuities. Yes, you heard it right. Each of the sacked Cabinet Secretaries (CSs) will waltz away with a golden parachute worth millions, all courtesy of you, dear Kenyan taxpayer.

Imagine this: 21 CSs and the Attorney General, all enjoying a collective payout of KSh 77.1 million. It’s the kind of severance package that would make even corporate fat cats envious. And all for a job that even Ruto himself deemed below par.

A Quick Recap: The Numbers Don’t Lie (But They Do Make Us Laugh)

• Gross Salary Upon Appointment: KSh924,000 per month

• Revised Gross Salary: KSh957,000 per month

• Gratuity Calculation: 31% of pensionable salaries for 20 months

• Total Gratuity Pre-Tax: KSh30.2 million (first 8 months), KSh46.99 million (subsequent year)

• Net Take-Home for Each CS: KSh2.45 million after tax

While the average Kenyan struggles with skyrocketing living costs, the very reason they forced Ruto to fire his bungling bunch in the first place, these underperforming nincompoops are effectively being rewarded for their inefficacy. It's a scenario that would be hilarious if it weren't so tragically real.

Gen Z: The Digital Jokers Who Aren’t Laughing

In a parallel narrative, Kenya's youth–Gen Z–have risen against what they perceive as a tone-deaf administration. Mocked by Ruto's factotums as "digital wankers" and "posh protesters," these young Kenyans are proving that their grasp of social justice is anything but superficial. They’ve taken to the streets and social media, highlighting the absurdity of these golden handshakes while Ruto, in his KSh 425,000 crocodile skin girdle, asks ordinary citizens to tighten theirs.

The Ironic Cabinet Clean-Up: From Purge to Payday

Ruto's so-called purge was supposed to cleanse the administration of inefficiency. Instead, it has turned into an extravagant retirement party for the sacked clumsy collective. Even more amusing is the President's directive to halve the number of advisers to the CSs, supposedly as an austerity measure. It's a bit like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic – a futile gesture in the face of an obviously far bigger problem.

Laughing All the Way to the Bank

So here we are, watching a government that promised change but delivers comedic gold instead. As Kenyans, we might as well laugh – it’s better than crying over the billions down the drain. And to the former CSs, enjoy your golden parachutes while they last. You've earned them, if only for providing us with this tragicomedy. And yet, some are not taking their sudden and unexpected circumstance of unemployment well at all.