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How The Government of Kenya is Spying on Your Phone: An Urgent Exposé of State Surveillance

During the recent Gen Z-led protests that shook William Ruto personally and his administration to its very core, many Kenyans found themselves asking a chilling question: How did the police track them down so easily, even in the supposed safety of their homes? Scores of activists and protesters were abducted, many never to be seen again. Suspicion quickly fell on Safaricom and Kenya Power, accused of handing over personal information to a rogue state. But the truth may be even more disturbing—and far simpler than most would imagine... In a revelation that will shock every Kenyan, your private communications—phone calls, texts, and even your physical location—is being monitored without your knowledge. The Kenyan government has been accused of engaging in widespread surveillance of its citizens, using sophisticated tools provided by Israeli cyber-espionage firm Circles. This disturbing information was uncovered in a damning report by Citizen Lab, a digital rights watchdog based at the Un
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#SundayRead: Ruto's Cabinet "Retirement Plan": The Comedy Kenya Didn't Need



Promises, Promises: Ruto's New Spin on Accountability
When President William Ruto stood before the Kenyan people, vowing to hold his cabinet accountable for incompetence, few believed this was the dawn of a new era. As everyone has now come to expect, William Ruto's promise was wrapped in layers of irony that even the best comedy writers couldn’t script.

The Golden Parachutes: More Like Golden Jokes
As details emerged, it became clear that "accountability" in Ruto's lexicon translates to hefty gratuities. Yes, you heard it right. Each of the sacked Cabinet Secretaries (CSs) will waltz away with a golden parachute worth millions, all courtesy of you, dear Kenyan taxpayer.

Imagine this: 21 CSs and the Attorney General, all enjoying a collective payout of KSh 77.1 million. It’s the kind of severance package that would make even corporate fat cats envious. And all for a job that even Ruto himself deemed below par.

A Quick Recap: The Numbers Don’t Lie (But They Do Make Us Laugh)
  • Gross Salary Upon Appointment: KSh924,000 per month
  • Revised Gross Salary: KSh957,000 per month
  • Gratuity Calculation: 31% of pensionable salaries for 20 months
  • Total Gratuity Pre-Tax: KSh30.2 million (first 8 months), KSh46.99 million (subsequent year)
  • Net Take-Home for Each CS: KSh2.45 million after tax
While the average Kenyan struggles with skyrocketing living costs, the very reason they forced Ruto to fire his bungling bunch in the first place, these underperforming nincompoops are effectively being rewarded for their inefficacy. It's a scenario that would be hilarious if it weren't so tragically real.

Gen Z: The Digital Jokers Who Aren’t Laughing
In a parallel narrative, Kenya's youth–Gen Z–have risen against what they perceive as a tone-deaf administration. Mocked by Ruto's factotums as "digital wankers" and "posh protesters," these young Kenyans are proving that their grasp of social justice is anything but superficial. They’ve taken to the streets and social media, highlighting the absurdity of these golden handshakes while Ruto, in his KSh 425,000 crocodile skin girdle, asks ordinary citizens to tighten theirs.
The Ironic Cabinet Clean-Up: From Purge to Payday
Ruto's so-called purge was supposed to cleanse the administration of inefficiency. Instead, it has turned into an extravagant retirement party for the sacked clumsy collective. Even more amusing is the President's directive to halve the number of advisers to the CSs, supposedly as an austerity measure. It's a bit like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic – a futile gesture in the face of an obviously far bigger problem.

Laughing All the Way to the Bank
So here we are, watching a government that promised change but delivers comedic gold instead. As Kenyans, we might as well laugh – it’s better than crying over the billions down the drain. And to the former CSs, enjoy your golden parachutes while they last. You've earned them, if only for providing us with this tragicomedy. And yet, some are not taking their sudden and unexpected circumstance of unemployment well at all.

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