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How The Government of Kenya is Spying on Your Phone: An Urgent Exposé of State Surveillance

During the recent Gen Z-led protests that shook William Ruto personally and his administration to its very core, many Kenyans found themselves asking a chilling question: How did the police track them down so easily, even in the supposed safety of their homes? Scores of activists and protesters were abducted, many never to be seen again. Suspicion quickly fell on Safaricom and Kenya Power, accused of handing over personal information to a rogue state. But the truth may be even more disturbing—and far simpler than most would imagine... In a revelation that will shock every Kenyan, your private communications—phone calls, texts, and even your physical location—is being monitored without your knowledge. The Kenyan government has been accused of engaging in widespread surveillance of its citizens, using sophisticated tools provided by Israeli cyber-espionage firm Circles. This disturbing information was uncovered in a damning report by Citizen Lab, a digital rights watchdog based at the Un
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Kenya's First Lady Claims Ugandan Fertility Linked to Divine Rainfall. Result? A Comedy of Errors


In a bizarre turn of events, Kenya's First Lady, Rachel Ruto, has stirred up a storm of disbelief and laughter with her recent proclamation regarding Uganda's agricultural practices.

Amidst Kenya Kwanza's brazen and unprecedented fake fertiliser saga, Mrs Ruto attempted a Hail Mary pass to salvage her husband's tarnished reputation, but ended up scoring a comedic own goal that has left Kenyans scratching their heads and holding their sides.

The Fertile Fiasco

In a jaw-dropping speech at a KICC thanksgiving service, Rachel boldly proclaimed to the world that Ugandans have forsaken fertilisers altogether, thanks to the purported divine fertility bestowed upon their land by "East African revival prayers" (whatever that means) from the 1930s. According to her, Uganda's lush greenery and abundant rainfall are not the result of geographical blessings but rather a celestial favouritism rooted in a historical revival movement.

She did not, however, elaborate on why Kenya has been left out of this boon.

 "In Kenya we see our President talk about fertilisers for our farmers. In Uganda, they don't use fertilisers. Their land is very fertile and there is enough rain. I came to discover one thing; it is the East African Revival that swept Uganda and some parts of East Africa," Mama Rachel said, narrating how in 2022, she visited Uganda and found the country very green, while Kenya was dry and people were suffering.

The Hilarity Unfolds

Kenyan netizens wasted no time in expressing their disbelief and amusement at Mrs. Ruto's fantastical claims. Social media platforms erupted with memes and mockery, likening her statements to a comedy sketch gone awry. From images of farmers praying for rain to jokes about selling bags of gravel as divine blessings, the online response was nothing short of uproarious.

A Comedy of Errors

Mrs. Ruto's attempt to deflect attention from her husband's fertiliser scandal by invoking divine intervention in Ugandan agriculture only serves to highlight the absurdity of the situation. Her insistence on attributing Uganda's agricultural success to prayers rather than practical farming practices left many wondering if they had stumbled into a farcical alternate reality where logic took a holiday.

The Aftermath

As Kenyans continue to reel from Mrs. Ruto's surreal statements, some can't help but marvel at the sheer audacity of her rhetoric. Calls for accountability and transparency in Kenya Kwanza's government grow ever louder, overshadowing the initial intent of Mrs. Ruto's misguided attempt at damage control.

In a world already saturated with political scandals and absurdities, Kenya's First Lady has managed to carve out a new niche for herself with her unparalleled ability to spin a yarn of ineffable twaddle. As the fertiliser scandal saga rages on, one thing remains abundantly clear: truth is indeed stranger than fiction, especially in the realm of Kenyan politics, and in particular, where her First Family is concerned.

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